People pleaser

 I have noticed since lately that I'm a people pleaser.

First I thought I wasn’t, but I am.

I please everyone around me besides myself. I want to keep people happy purely for the reasons I don’t want them to feel how I'm feeling right now, but in the process I only drain myself because I forget to make myself happy aswell. I already have a hard time coping with loneliness. I live in a very small town and to meet-up with my friends would take 2 hours with the bus or train.

I'm autistic and have ADHD aswell so I mask my autism traits a lot to please the people around me aswell. I isolate in my room so people don’t have to deal with me and for me it seems like it makes life so much easier for others, cause I feel like a burden when I want my needs or wants to be met (some of my wants and needs are already met like headphones) But then people also don’t have to deal with AUTISTIC me, you get me? Like I know from myself that if I get sensory overload or overwhelmed/overstimulated that I would cry. Im mostly on the verge of crying, but since I don’t wanna be perceived in public or I don’t wanna be seen as weak, emotional or cry baby I keep it all in, even at home.

Sometimes with boundaries I also didn’t know what boundaries I have to be making. Like what kind of boundaries? I still don’t have boundaries by the way, or people just go ahead and cross them anyways to the point where I just let people go and keep talking their things even though it drains me, I mean atleast it makes them happy. As I said earlier, I want to see my friends and family happy even if it means sacrificing myself.

But its hard. I also want to be seen and heard, but I’m scared of being perceived. I want to feel loved and wanted and I am probably but I just don’t see it. Actions speak louder than words for me.

I just have no idea what boundaries to set because I don’t feel or know when people cross a boundary. Do I feel uncomfortable? Less energetic? How do you feel or how can you tell? Its extremely hard. I just want to be listened to and feel appreciated for once, I try so hard to make the people around me feel comfortable with me but it just feels as if its never enough.

I want a break, I need a break.

I’ll try my best to set boundaries and follow them, even though its hard to say ‘No’ for me sometimes.

Do you also sometimes just have people cross your boundaries and they are already going too far into it so you can’t really stop them anymore?

Any ideas for setting boundaries?

Thank you!